Posted by: zenmamajo | January 26, 2011

I Made My Kid Cry…On Purpose

what mom intentionally makes their child cry?

not my kid...but darn cute...

guilty! but it was only once and as an experiment…

our identical 2 year old twins are incredibly charming and such a joy (unless they’re having a meltdown…*hahah*). they have opposite personalities –

– one is cautious, the other is daring
– one enjoys t.v., the other could care less
– one is a soft breeze on a summer night, the other is a gust of wind on a blistery day
– their teeth even came in opposite of each other!

it all started last summer when my husband went to visit his folks in another state. after the girls and i fired up Skype to chat with him, i noticed tears in our little daredevil in diaper’s eyes. there wasn’t a stream of tears pouring down her face, more like a small pooling…they disappeared quickly so i didn’t think much about it.

flash forward several months – we were watching some home movies for the first time – the twins love to point out and identify family members (especially themselves) so they got a kick out of watching the videos. about 15 min into the viewing – i noticed tears in our little daredevil’s eyes again – so i asked her if she was crying? it was clear she was once we made eye contact but i was confused because she didn’t look sad or upset. just – teary-eyed and red-nosed.

my husband and i didn’t draw attention to it because we didn’t want to embarrass her so she continued to cry as as she pointed out people she recognized (mainly herself, her twin and their older sister).

flash forward another month – my husband took some fotos of the twins during a winter excursion and showed them the fotos after the outing. she got teary-eyed again!

okay, i thought to myself: that’s THREE times she’s done this! so i developed a plan to pinpoint the trigger…

a few days later – i put on a family slide show. i started with fotos of just my husband and i: no tears. moved on to fotos of their older sister: nope. then i showed fotos of the new baby: nada. finally – i showed fotos of the twins from the time they were born and the ‘early’ years and BAM: TEARS! for about 20 minutes!

i’m terrible, i know: i made my kid cry (haven’t purposely made her cry since!). but i was curious about what was causing these tears and it seems to be, even at this early age: nostalgia! i didn’t even know it was possible to be nostalgic at this age.

while she’s always been a flurry of activity – she has always been equally as tenderhearted and compassionate. of my children, i relate most to her aggressiveness and ‘tough side’ – i get her frustrated moments and impatience to achieve perfection.

but this latest discovery about her has really resonated with me because crying, tenderheartedness and compassion have never really came easily to me. at what point did i choose indifference over compassion? hardness over softness?

i’m not describing the things i do, but the core of who i am – you know – the part that no one sees: the heart. to me it’s easy to do compassionate things and say compassionate things, but it’s another to feel compassionate.

anyhoo, what an incredible discovery – her nostalgic tears complement her toughness and are such an inspiration for me to rediscover the gentleness in myself…

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